Posted in Express, sins

7 types of Sins- A Guilt


Its a really hot, and bad weather where i live and suddenly scrolling through insta i saw a video on sins its so remarkable to learn something like that……its an female charcter who is dressed up according to different types of sins while singing jazz. Sins never looks so hot…. So i thought i should also try writing about it and here is my outlook on it.
1. Lust
Lust is a strong passion or longing for sexual desires. Thinking about lust day and night is consider as sins……and also not healthy for relationship you are in.
2. Gluttony
Gluttony is an excessive and ongoing eating of food or drink……its like stress healers or a result of stress you are in. The more we engage in the more we lost ourselves.
3. Greed
Greed the word said it itself…..greed is so passi ate that it can destroy everything.

“The faith in yourself is lot bigger than anything”.

4. Sloth
Slot is a laziness to actually engage in work that benefits you,or thinking that it is waste of time because everything takes time
5. Wrath
Wrath is hatred towards another person….its like a poison to our head when in reality they dont even know or care.
6. Envy- Huh long definitions= boredom……let me give you an example if your friend has something you dont have and you take it… its yours according to you thats envy. Hm its pretty dangerous.
7. Pride- I dont think it should be a sin but we all know too much of everything is bad……and plus pride also encourges to avoid addressing others feelings and viewpoints….hm now making sense

These are the list of sins we all are guilty of but its okay self awareness is a key.. and its a life!

Posted in Express, feelings, Write

Harsh Reality

I have lost so many of my close friends or bestfriends in a year………..I thought it was my fault that i am not good enough but thinking about it gives me anxiety, more anxiety and more. Some are gone because they get what they wanted from me, some are toxic that before i cut them……they cut me off its like an off and on cycle……So it was really my fault? I dont think so

Maybe I forgot to standup for myself, maybe i am really not good enough to provide them with comfort they need. Whatever it is, the reality still stinks, its hard to even imagine my life without them,,,,,,,but I have to move on, I cant take that shit anymore.😔

Posted in Express, love, motivation, weirdness

When you know its love


I have been thinking a while about these concept but I never get the answer which gives me pleasure. But on a daily basics when small activites occurs which makes me smile even just for a moment………thats love. The urge to see someone smile, or the urge to enjoy in rain or drink cold coffee…..all comes under love. And i guess that is enough! Sometimes it can be overwhelming as we are getting what we deserve, but time its exactly what is made for ‘you’.😋

Posted in beauty, Express, Life, purpose

Selfless, Selfish, Selfless


Selfless, Selfish, Selfless! Its hard to decide which side to go…….I always wanted good for me growth, happiness,,,,,,,but i thought the only way to actually get is by being selfless removing the I, me term from my dictionary. Peace is within myself,’I am whom I wanted to be’ period, why I am getting self obessed? Why  I cant be selfless?

My mother always tell me that if you give to others, you will get more than what you gave, Now its making alot of sense this relasation gave me hope and courage, most importanly some questions
– One day, I will also be a mother, will I be selfish?
– I want to be a teacher, will i be partial towards my students?
– Because of a failure, Should i give up?

Now, I know where i am standing……….just where my ex is standing. A selfish, terrified, hopeless and broken girl. I wanna be Selfless and that makes me more of who I am and how a lady should be and behave. Selfless in simple terms means caring about others more than our own needs and I guess thats the best way to heal.

Posted in Express, mental state

I Have problems


I hate calling myself a “Victim”………..but now I have to. Its hard to elaborate but i am victim of mental abuse, sexual abuse (as seemless as it looks in my blogs) and most importatly, diagonsed with pcod, Recent 4 months were good when I started mediating due to this
– I gained weight
– Symptoms of pcod and abuse reduces
– Made new friends
– Increase in stamina

I had this feeling of stress deeply rooted inside me, seems like sometimes its hard to even handle myself in some situations. I have hairs all over my face period……..the struggle is real and painfull, I know people wont say anything because of hurting me with their words but I know they want to. How long I have to keep myself strong?  How long I have to keep looking for solutions? I am tired and just going with the flow of life.
  Actually, I am strong……if I can wake up early in the morning in such a cold whether in order to mediate, I can do anything. Requires time money and patience…still feeling down:'(

Posted in Express, purpose, Write

Loneliness does Exist


It does exist when you dont know how you can be yourself anymore? Sometimes I am scared to walk through that door which scares me the most…..the idea, origin, process, application etc is known to me……why does it is stopping me from being who I am?

I took a step towards it, touch the handle and again go back because I can’t, I am scared! What if I wont be enough? What if I will be in a dark place forever? Even though the fact is that I survived everything that was killing me once and I can survive more….but fear of success and unknown is driving me wild. What if it is a failure? Still a lesson?

I have everything, thats the reason i am holding back because deep down I have a belief that i own everything, do I need something more? I still went towards that door and took a deep breath, now more closer than before and still cant do it. I am tired of little by little, or small steps,,,,,if I am ready that long jump wont be a trouble. Ghosts in the inside are more scarier than the ghost outside!


Posted in Express

I can’t be A Healer- The end


I tried to be a healer and thought that i would always be a healer, a superwoman who does great stuffs to save the world. A remarkable life, i am living since 1 year and I am not proud of it as I am losing myself each day in a process and it feels like I am back to my old depressed self again. I know that I deserve better but still being healer, taking negative energies of others via online or offline, becomes my job. I cant do this anymore,


I wanna be me, from the starting So why i have to heal others first? I know i have everything in my life (god grace) So why i have to think that someone would be there for me? Maybe for sucking my energy. I gain energy, feel good and give others a chance to suck it, And as a healer I would heal myself again and it repeats.

Now, I would do something that makes me feel alive again……..I wish. I deserve so much better. I cant be a healer, I Cant be a superwoman but I can be me:) and Its enough……more than. The Self confidence and Saying No is my new mantra for life.